Cherishing The Hard Moments

The weeks following our return home to China had been a bit rough on all of us. I think it was a combination of things... jet lag from traveling back from the States, Sawyer battling a cold, Kurt away two weekends in a row for coaching, and teething.

Getting him to sleep was a challenge. He would arch his back and scream. It broke my heart in pieces because whatever I tried to calm him just didn't work. "If only he could just tell me what is wrong... I could make it better," I kept thinking.

I read WAY too many articles and online forums about what I should do to get him to sleep on his own. I felt desperate and helpless... and like a failing mom.

For two nights I tried to let him cry himself to sleep. I pulled up a chair next to his crib and ate my dinner in the dark. His cries broke my heart. I picked him up anytime he began to get too worked up, calmed him, and put him back down... and it started all over again. On the third night, I decided to just listen to my momma instinct.

I rocked and/or nursed Sawyer to sleep every time he woke up, and you know what? My heart didn't hurt anymore. He drifted back to sleep (for a couple of hours at least). I didn't mind the interrupted sleep. In fact, I've been thinking about how much I will miss our special moments in the middle of the night. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my sleep, but I realized that Sawyer is not going to be a baby forever. Before I know it, he probably won't want me to rock him to sleep anymore.

I'm learning that there aren't' always going to be "right" answers in this parenting "adventure." There is so much advice out there: articles, forums, blogs, books, friends, and family. People usually have the best intentions. They give you their opinions because they want to HELP you. It can quickly become overwhelming, especially to a first time mom.

After struggling with what's "right" to do over the last couple of weeks, I learned that Kurt and I need to do what we feel works best for us, and most importantly, Sawyer.

And the hard moments are just that, moments...they won't last forever.